Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
