I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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