Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
