Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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