Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my poor anus
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
