I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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