quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
