She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
