i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
operation have a gay friend backfired
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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