You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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