garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
from now on my penis is your penis
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
