Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
