Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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