My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
