the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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