His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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