On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
