I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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