you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
