If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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