closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
