never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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