I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
