You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
whose parrot is this?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
