You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize