that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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