I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
