The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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