dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
