Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
