Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
