Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
COCAINE IS GR8
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize