How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
