she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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