Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
