I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
