So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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