There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
