I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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