she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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