I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
