I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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