just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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