another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
