The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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