i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
