She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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