I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
