Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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