bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
