You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
