Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
