im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
