we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
