Your face is a jimmy john
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
