i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
