I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
