At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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