Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
