:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
