dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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