i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
