He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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