I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
