dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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