Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
