The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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