I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
