if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
