It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
