no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
