I heard we made out
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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