Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
