the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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