my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if only i could text you this smell
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
