I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
